is that a light?

It's amazing the perspective you can gain just by stepping completely away from something for 24 hours. I am now 100% sure of two things.  Two people, rather.  They have never asked me for anything, but have always supported me, and been there for me when I needed them.  Long ago I might've choked on these words if not said in a joking context.  But I love them.  We have been through a lot together in such a short amount of time, and I'm not sure how I would've dealt with it all if not for them.  I can only hope that I have been even half of what they've been to me.  They are two of the most amazing people in the world and I feel grateful and blessed to have met them & have them in my life.  (even if in an unconventional capacity)  And I hope the both of you know it. 


As for the rest, saying that it "falls short comparatively" is the understatement of the fucking year.

 All certain people want is what I can do for them, how I can help them.  They don't seem to give a shit what I might be going through.  No, they are only concerned with how my absence is affecting them.  Not only is that selfish that is totally fucked.  You don't seem to care that not only do I have shit going on in my life here, it's going on at home too.  And I wonder why?  Because you are all too wrapped up in yourselves to notice. Which I understand does happen, I mean it just happened to me.  (but all the fucking time? REALLY?) However, I took the time to step back and be wrapped up in myself instead of hanging around trying to get you wrapped up in me too.  The thing is, some of you, not all b/c some really are nice and genuine, some of  YOU are only using me, using us, to make yourself feel better.  Like a fucking leech.  And I'm done with that.  I have been used like that before and it almost killed me, literally.  So excuse the fuck out of me if I don't wanna go there again.

And I really hate generalizatons, but I'm not a name dropper.  I will say this though.  A smart man once told, me that I needed to set boundaries.  So I just did.  Huge fucking iron-barbed-wire-maximum-security-prison boundaries.  And guess what?  There's only two people on the inside with me.  Well, if they'll still have me after all this, that is.