2 steps forward and 18 steps back.

I am tired.  I feel weighted.  I think maybe I've had enough?  Yes.  This is exactly the reason why I stopped getting close to anyone.  Because if I trust you, I trust you with my life.  And then you can kill me.  Which is about how I feel right now.  Dead.  I don't know which way to turn, who to believe.  I have put my trust where I can't see it, who it truly belongs to and now because of that I can't trust myself. 

My face burns with shame and this waterfall of saline rushing over it does nothing to soothe.  In fact it is making it worse.  I can't even recall the last time I cried.  And now I can't seem to stop.  I feel sick.  The last time I felt like this was 2 years ago.  I couldn't stand myself so much then, that I ran away and became someone new.  I'm almost at the point to where it hurts too much and I'm ready to shut off. 

I need to step back and re-evaluate EVERYTHING.

I have no idea where I am. 



and I'm scared