fault line

if things made sense, that'd be too easy wouldn't it? because it would all make sense.

I think sometimes things need to be picked up and put somewhere else for you to really see them for what they are.                    

truth is my sanctuary        

for the record, I'm not fucking stupid.                                                                                                                                  

conundrum, thy name is "friend".

I have learned that when you're questioning something, whether it is or isn't this or that, it usually is.  The fact that it gives you pause enough to question it, is telling.  And not in a good way.

So do you pretend that you don't know what you do know, and swallow the lies?  or do you confront it all knowing everyone will bleed, and very little will be salvageable?

or do you lie in wait, hoping they will come clean?


options suck.

Outstretched Hands: Resuscitation of Life

Oddly reminiscent of time long past.

Warm breezes through open windows.  Chewing tentatively on the cord to my headphones; lips flushed.  Black Rebel Motorcycle Club flowing softly in one ear, while the nightly news floats into the other; meeting in the middle with a rather pleasant overlap.  Soothing.  The clinking of ice cubes in a glass; taste of sweet tea lingering on my tongue.

flash forward

Crackling fireplace; faint snowflakes being stirred in the little gusts of wind.  A much loved friend rests her head in my lap, eyes fixed on the TV.  Hands running through thick, curly hair giving comfort; while a bare foot is nuzzled under the warm belly of a snoring St. Bernard.  Random breaks in time being asked questions I have no answers to, but say them anyway.


The feeling is the same.  Home.  Contentment.  No judgments, just love.

Don't waste time wishing it was forever, just enjoy it while it's here.  Snuggle closer, get high off the quiet.  Spout off random philosophy, and dreams of the future.  Nothing much is actually said, but nothing goes unspoken.  Don't think about how your heart will break when you have to go.  Don't, don't......just breathe.

varied realities

I am unsure about what motivates me currently.  I know in large part it is the overwhelming desire to move beyond where I am now.  At the beginning it was more a means to an end.  But now...for some ungodly reason I've commissioned upon myself this personal challenge of sorts.  See exactly how much I'm capable of.  See how far I can push myself.  Is there a breaking point?  I'd like to find out.  So far, by the grace of the divine, it has worked in my favor; with no real ill effect.  (other than the even more massive consumption of caffeine and occasionally nicotine.)  Ok, and maybe a few other bad habits...but we'll let those lie quietly in the shadows.  I am not even sure I'm typing what I think I am; am I even awake?  It feels as though the world as seen through my eyes, and then transmuted through my fingers to the screen, is often a surreal state.

I feel as though perhaps I am talking circles around myself.  I can't seem to form cohesive thoughts in my present state...